apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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