I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
