the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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