I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
