And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
