The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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