when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
