i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
