I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
