he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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