This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
