I wanna bring you to show and tell
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize