update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
