Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize