genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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