He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize