Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
