i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
