i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
