you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
