you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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