apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
