Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
