So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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