so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My vagina just recognized that song.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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