Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize