Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
