Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
