I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
