It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
