i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Randomize
