Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
