dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
