Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
