I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let's get the cat blown out
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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