I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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