So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
