I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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