I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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