It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
