am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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