No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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