there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
