yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
