Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
