I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
