dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it's like iHOP with fire
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
