and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
