What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
