i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
