pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
