Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
