Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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