I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
