There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
