how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
