I'm sorry my penis didn't work
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
