how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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