She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
