someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
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this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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