Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
