if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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