If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
