i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
