My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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