I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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