i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
