So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
