I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
