Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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