my vag is so smooth its legendary
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
