Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
