On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize