The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
