Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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