if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
