Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
