Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
